Today I take on the simple task of emulating the intricate and thoughtful sentences of one of the best writers of all time.
Frog
On more than one occasion in the summer I would sit late into the night in a wooden chair at a wooden desk on the wooden floors of my dining room, browsing the internet quietly. In front of me was a big window that looked out into the large backyard with a bush in the foreground. Behind me was the rest of my empty house, a reminder of both the divorce that had my mother and siblings in a condominium and the tumor that had my father in the hospital. These days, I was the only adult in the house. I was the only child in the house.
The internet is obviously a constant and lovely distraction, but behind the computer and through the window I sat in front of I made a real friend. Against the black backdrop of the backyard at night, a squishy green shape would suddenly splat against the glass. Green and nearly translucent, the frog would sit there defying gravity in silence and I would divert my attention away from the computer screen to observe a more natural beauty. Eventually, he would start slipping downward, which made me chuckle, but he would just hop up higher on the windowpane. For long periods of time, I would just sit there, watching the frog use his long ball-ended fingers to his advantage. He would just sit and occasionally re-adjust himself. Maybe he was watching me too.
Really good job!
ReplyDeleteI think you did a great job emulating Woolfe's style. I thought it was really lovely when you said "Behind me was the rest of my empty house, a reminder of both the divorce that had my mother and siblings in a condominium and the tumor that had my father in the hospital. These days, I was the only adult in the house. I was the only child in the house." using the emptiness of your house to mirror your own pain, and the fact that you literally were a child, but standing in as an adult.
I'm not sure if it was your intention when writing this but the conclusion I came to from this was: the frog is a parallel with yourself. He slips, and struggles but keeps at it. And he watches you, just as you watch him, maybe envious of each other; or maybe just marveling at one another.
OR MAYBE, I'm crazy.
Overall I think this was a really successful emulation! Good job!
This was really good because you were able to write in a style similar to Woolfe's while also writing about modern things such as the internet. I really liked your sense of detail given which I think Woolfe does often. I also really liked your last two sentences of the first paragraph when you claim to be the only adult and then claim to be the only child. This kind of confuses the reader however, I think that Woolfe tends to make some of her sentences confusing so I found this very good in terms of an emulation. Nice work Zane!
ReplyDeleteWow, Zane, that was amazing! It was heartwrenching and elegant and simple! It emulated Woolf's use of something so small, like a frog, to represent something deeper in human nature. I definitely agree with Katie on the parallel, or at least that is what I got out of it as well.
ReplyDeleteIn particular, I loved these sentences, and I think they really move the reader a lot: "These days, I was the only adult in the house. I was the only child in the house." I really think it captures the feeling of being a kid in that situation, where you still feel like a child yet need to feel like an adult after everything that has happened. I don't know if that makes any sense on how I worded it?
I definitely felt like I got to know more about you - you really opened up in this essay! Thank you and good job!
Zane,
ReplyDeleteI'm thrilled that you're so directly emulating Woolf without really stealing, and I'm thrilled that you don't hammer us with the metaphor at the end. If you're supposed to be associated with the frog, that's great. If not, that's great too. You've still captured an absurd, comforting moment, a surprising jolt from homeboy-nature.
I'm almost willing to say that the piece you've written makes fun of the entire project of coming up with metaphors. There's nothing that could really describe the complexity of the divorce and the tumor. It would be cheesy, maybe, to look at a moth now and say, yeah, that moth's me. Though Woolf pulled it off, and though it works in that era and in that essay, it is perhaps dated. Maybe we know metaphors fail. But also that we need to keep trying them because, as Joan Didion said, "We tell ourselves stories in order to live."
Get rid of "I sat in front of." As in your routine, a couple words can really make the difference in the rhythm of a line. Get rid of "against" and go with "splat the glass." Also, think about shifting the tense from conditional (would) to something else. Maybe start a new paragraph with "Green" and switch tense to past. Yes, that will make the thing more urgent.
Try those changes.
Really good.
Dave
I really like this Zane! In such a short piece you manage to dredge up important emotional/mental situations--divorce, loneliness, growing up too soon maybe? I especially enjoy the lines about being the only child and only adult. In such a small part of this emulation you reveal you but not too much of you-- I think that is super impressive.
ReplyDeleteYour description of the frog is lovely-- I think Dave's suggestions are good ones-- I like that you add at the end that maybe he's observing you as you're observing him. I did something similar in my Woolf emulation, I think it's kind of a point Woolf makes and you nailed it. I really like this :)
I went the animal route for my Woolf emulation, too. I think it's funny that we both associated her with animals because of her moth piece. I really loved the description of the frog, esp. the ball-ended fingers. Also, I like that you connected "real friends" to the stigma of fake friends on the internet. Although that wasn't really known in Woolf's time, it gives present readers a connection to the piece. Finally, the adult/child aspect of the post was very effective in sentence structure–it was impactful. Great job here Zane!
ReplyDeleteI think this is a really strong piece and I'm glad to see you write without the humor, I love humor but know it's sort of a crutch for me and I was really pleased to see your guard down. I aree with Dave that "would" doesn't work very well in this essay, and you would be better served moving into a different tense. My only other suggestion is that it took awhile to hook me; i've read so much mundanity that it took my two tries to slog through the first few sentences, then i hit the divorce/ tumor line and i lap up the rest of it. Maybe find a way to hook the reader early on, throw me a bone about tumult that keeps me engaged.
ReplyDeleteReally great work for such a brief piece, excellent job!